Magnetize is working on a new album, slated to release in 2025.
MUSIC
OVER THIS HOUSE - EP
RIGHT WHERE YOU WANT ME - EP
SNAPSHOTS OF THE SHATTERED SOUL
BACKSTAGE PASS
VIDEOS
NEWS
Magnetize is working on a new album, slated to release in 2025. In the the meantime, check out the latest shows.
For live performances, Magnetize uses the stage name "Magnetize & Co." to differentiate between his solo artist recording projects and concerts which add a live band. Marc's live band includes Andrew Cook (drums), Garri George (keys) and Jason Duncan (bass).
BIO
Magnetize (formerly Marc Andre) started out rapping in the late 90’s and transitioned to alternative rock in the early 2000’s. Over the last 25+ years, he has produced multiple albums, EPs and singles. He has performed at churches, festivals and coffee shops. Magnetize moved from Columbus, OH to Fort Wayne, IN in 2020 and met his current band mates not long after. “I met Andrew (drums) at church and I met Garri (synth) and Jason (bass) while working at Sweetwater. I had no intention of assembling a backing band when I first moved to Fort Wayne. The band slowly began to take shape during the summer of 2022. I picked up the electric guitar after playing acoustic guitar and piano for years. The process of learning electric guitar and building a pedalboard ultimately led me to seek out a band.”
According to one reviewer, “Magnetize's music is a mix of modern rock songs fused with elements of hip-hop and EDM. Think Switchfoot meets Ben Folds…Toby Mac meets Foster the People…Twenty-one Pilots Meets Billy Joel.” Some have compared his music to Toad the Wet Sprocket or Dashboard Confessionals. Magnetize’s fans can appreciate his honest descriptive lyrics and diverse sound palette. Magnetize approaches song writing as a wordsmith and production as a sound designer.
Magnetize aims to write emotive music that leads people to contemplate their relationship with others and with God. He hopes his music challenges the soul, rekindles lost purpose and gives speech to those without a voice. Magnetize believes every person has a story worth being told. He hopes his story will inspire others to tell their story. Magnetize writes, “Growing up, music helped to shape my perception of the world and served to carry me through some of the darkest valleys. I hope my music will remind listeners of God’s promises and unconditional love.”
DISCOGRAPHY
Between the years of 1991 and 1998, Magnetize (Marc) released several Christian rap projects, including My Almamater, a song dedicated to Liberty University. He then transitioned into pop rock with the debut of his Dishes album in 2001. On November 30, 2004, Marc released his sophomore project, Backstage Pass, and launched 10x12 Productions, a small production company specializing in custom music and audio design for film, television and games. On October 1, 2011, Marc re-surfaced with his junior rock record, Snapshots of the Shattered Soul.
In the winter of 2012, Marc released music videos for Portrait of Me and Shadows & Sunlight and in December 2012, he self-published his first book, Snapshots of the Shattered Soul: The Stories Behind the Songs. On February 21, 2014, he released Joshua, a single dedicated to his son whose frightening entrance into the world was a testament of God's providence (Joshua’s mother’s placenta abrupted and Joshua lost a dangerous amount of blood and oxygen). Between 2015 and 2017, Marc released three singles - This Christmastime, Right Where You Want Me and Fingerprints and on February 14, 2018, he released his first EP, Right Where You Want Me. A lyric video for A Step Away debuted on May 21, 2019.
Marc comments, “The process of producing the Right Where You Want Me EP was a grueling three-year journey. Throughout this time, I was transitioning between careers, and was struggling to find a balance between a full-time job and my responsibilities as a husband and father. Also, what began as a full-length album was dialed back to a five-song EP due to budget restraints. It took me years to finally let the unreleased songs go. In turn, I was able to refocus my energy on writing new and better songs. I also learned some vital lessons in time management and discovered new ways of streamlining my writing and production process.”
In 2019, Marc changed his stage name from Marc Andre to Magnetize.
Marc writes, "The name Magnetize was inspired by Jesus' call to go into all the world to make disciples (Matthew 28). Just like magnets attract one another, I pray that my life and my music would serve a small part in drawing people closer to Jesus. The name Magnetize embodies this goal...not to mention that MAG are my initials."
On August 27, 2020, Marc released a lyric video for Glimmer. Marc’s EP Over This House debuted on September 25th, 2020. On November 20th, 2020, a music video for Over This House was released. Then, on February 14, 2021, Marc performed a new song Forever Yours at Sweetwater Studios in Fort Wayne, IN.
Magnetize is currently working on a new EP which he hopes to release in 2025.
For live performances, Magnetize uses the stage name "Magnetize & Co." to differentiate between his solo artist recording projects and concerts which add a live band. Marc's live band includes Andrew Cook (drums), Jason Duncan (bass) and Garri George (keys).
LYRICS
Content Link Block
OVER THIS HOUSE EP (2020)
01 MOONSHINE
Solitude moon / Drifitin’ in white / The streets are sleepin’ / But your blood is on fire / You’re feelin’ that chill / Down your spine / Voices collidin’ / But you’re cuttin’ the line / Don’t let it take hold/ Bolt the door / And guard your soul /The dark won’t win tonight
02 OVER THIS HOUSE
Over this house / Over this house / There's a violent stir in the skies / There's a silence storm of weary cries / There's a saggin' weight on the beams / There's a demon nudge in our dreams / United we will pray / 'Till the monsters go away / Over this house / Rain Your angels down / Over this house / Let Your light be found / Heaven spread Your wings / Over this house tonight /Over this house / How we need Your grace, the flesh is weak / Oh to see Your face and hear You speak / We know this fight is not with flesh and bone / And in this fight, we're armed and not alone / The shadows will not reign / They tremble at Your name / Over this house/ Rain Your angels down / Over this house / Let Your light be found / Heaven spread Your wings / Over this house tonight / Tonight / Ain't no dark room Your light can't fill / Ain't no nightmare Your peace can't still / Ain't no stronghold Your love can't kill, oh / No weapon can prevail God, come and have Your will / Over this house / Over this house Rain Your angels down / Over this house / Let Your light be found / Heaven spread Your wings / Over this house tonight / Over this house / Over this house / Over this house / Over this house / United we will pray / 'Till the monsters go away
03 GLIMMER
Music in your soul / Don't know where you learned those moves / Hair up in your face / Got two different colored shoes / You've always got a way / Of shuttin' up the blues / Somehow you're gonna make us smile / You've got that glimmer, glimmer / Ain't nobody got your style / You've got that glimmer, glimmer / Beautiful and wild / Contagious, outrageous / The kind of joy that makes this / Cold world a better place / You've got that glimmer / Don't let 'em take your heart / That love inside of you / Gotta find a way to dance / It's all a point of view / When your clouds are overwhelmin’ / Know the sun is shinin' soon / And God's gonna get you through / You've got that glimmer, glimmer / Ain't nobody got your style / You've got that glimmer, glimmer / Beautiful and wild / Contagious, outrageous / The kind of joy that makes this / Cold world a better place / You've got that glimmer / Like a diamond in the light / You just can't help but shine / Someday you might change the world / But for now, you're changin' mine / Girl, you're changin' mine / You've got that glimmer, glimmer / Ain't nobody got your style / You've got that glimmer, glimmer / Beautiful and wild / Contagious, outrageous / The kind of joy that makes this / Cold world a better place / You've got that glimmer
04 ORGANIZED RELIGION
They filled the aisles / Embraced the call to a country far away / Suit and tie ambassadors for a world that needed saved / Castin’ nets with blazin’ lights / But their hearts were ruled by law / They traded Christ and polished their facade / They sold their souls while they were sellin’ God / It’s the new sensation / You’re gonna love the sound of it / But don’t be taken / Don’t you buy the counterfeit / Don’t confuse the games they play / With the One who gave His life away / Don’t be taken / Organized religion / She wiped the wounds and clung to God / And found the faith to pray / Gave her life for messy souls the suits had thrown away / She forgave the lies and raised her eyes / Turned jaded into good / And walked the road the godly never would / She walked the road the godly never would / It’s the new sensation / You’re gonna love the sound of it / But don’t be taken / Don’t you buy the counterfeit / Don’t confuse the games they play / With the One who gave His life away / Don’t be taken / Organized religion / Lift your hands if you’ve been burned / Lift your hands if you’ve been burned / Where is the love of Jesus? / Where is the joy that frees us? / Where is the peace, the life, the hope / The grace of the forgiven? / Oh, don’t you miss the dangers / Oh, can you feel His anger? / Oh, as He flips the tables / This is not His bride you’re seein’ / This is not His bride / It’s the new sensation / It’s the new sensation / It’s the new sensation / You’re gonna love the sound of it / But don’t be taken / Don’t you buy the counterfeit / Don’t confuse the games they play / With the One who gave His life away / Don’t be taken / Organized religion / Organized religion / Lift your hands if you’ve been burned
05 LOVE CONQUERS ALL
Bleedin', will your heart ever heal and stop / Grievin', is this just another sad season / Or is this where you fall apart / Memories, they tell you to leave them / You're searchin', they say that you're crazy / Abandoned, but God only knows your heart / He knows your heart / Copin', what you thought was a tapestry / Broken, crashed into tragedy / Hopin' that you’ll find the wings to start / Where will you start? / Tryin' to make it through the night / Will you make it out alive? / And all the wars and politics / And all the wounds you cannot fix / Don’t let them define you / When cannons fire and hope feels gone / Don’t let the darkness steal your song / Just leave this behind you / When the bricks finally fall / Love conquers all / Stay true, don't miss all the love that / Surrounds you, don't run from the Father / Who bought you, He's proud of who you are / Who you are / You're gonna make it out alive / Just keep reachin’ for the skies / And all the wars and politics / And all the wounds you cannot fix Don’t let them define you / When cannons fire and hope feels gone / Don’t let the darkness steal your song / Just leave this behind you / When every nightmare's comin' true / The Maker's got His hand on you / Your world can never be the same / But your Father's love won't change / And though the life you knew is gone / You finally found where you belong / What was planned to bring you harm / Has only led you to His arms / And all the wars and politics / And all the wounds you cannot fix / Don’t let them define you / When cannons fire and hope feels gone / Don’t let the darkness steal your song / Just leave this behind you / When the bricks finally fall / When the bricks finally fall / Love conquers all / Love conquers all / Don’t you doubt it / And don’t forget it / He’s proud of you
06 ALIVE
Ain’t nothin’ like the sun rays / Dancin’ on my skin / The crashin’ of the waves / Children playin’ in the sand / To let those worries drift into the / Endless tides of Alantic blue / Bring me back to the place that I knew / I wanna live again / Oh, this is how it feels Oh, this is how it feels / To be alive / To be alive / Walkin’ in the trenches / My joy’s been under lock / Emotions on the fringes / My hope’s up on the rocks / My heart is longin’ for a strong wind Break these chains that hold me down / Bring me back to the love that I knew / I wanna live again / Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah / Oh, this is how it feels / Oh, this is how it feels / To be alive / I’m done wih colorin’ in the lines / Gonna leave this baggage all behind Soarin’ on a love that’s so divine / Oh, this is how it feels / Oh, this is how it feels / Oh, this is how it feels / Oh, this is how it feels / To be alive / To be alive / To be alive / To be alive / To be alive
07 LITTLE COATS
He left you cold and paralyzed / That demon look in his eyes / And every day it’s markin’ you / And you’re still runnin’ from the truth / These are the little coats he made / These are the nightmares that never fade / These are the weights that made you break / This is the innocence he’d take / Another fractured generation / Another twisted imitation / These are the little coats / These are the little coats / Few would see your secret war / You couldn’t feel love anymore / And every day the monster grew / Can’t imagine how this is hauntin’ you / Can’t imagine how this is hauntin’ you / These are the little coats you made / These are the nightmares that never fade / These are the wounds that you’d replay / This is the innocence you’d take / Another fractured generation / Another twisted imitation / These are the little coats / These are the little coats / I’ve been sortin’ through your lies / Tryin’ to see the human in those eyes / Ain’t no forgiveness for denial / Ain’t no excuse to hurt a child / You don’t hurt a child / These are the little coats you made / These are the nightmares that never fade / These are the wounds that you’d replay / This is the innocence you’d take / Another fractured generation / Another twisted imitation / These are the little coats These are the little coats / There’s still time to make it right / Before you’re standin’ in the light / Don’t lose it all to save your pride / These are the little coats / These are the hearts you broke / These are the little coats you made / These are the debts He died to pay / This is the longitude of grace / This is your innocence remade / Another fractured generation / Another sinner’s invitation / These are the little coats / These are the little coats / These are the little coats
RIGHT WHERE YOU WANT ME EP (2016)
01 RIGHT WHERE YOU WANT ME
Got it all dreamed out / Got the routes all mapped / Got the cars lined up / On a freight train track / Burning up my doubts / Forgettin’ where I’ve been / But here we go, it’s crashin’ down again / When the bitter west wind keeps bringin’ it / When I’m about sick of making sense of it / When another let down seems imminent / Well, You’ve got me / Right where you want me / Like I’m tryin’ to retie a tourniquet / Just when I think I’m finally finished learnin’ it / You’ve always got a way of reworkin’ it / ‘Cause You’ve got me / Right where You want me / It’s never like we’ve planned / Another two steps back / Is it a game of chance? / Have the cards been stacked? / An enemy of change / I’m tryin’ to see Your hand / ‘Cause here we go, it’s crashin’ down / It’s crashin’ down again / Repeat Chorus / ‘Cause here we go again / It’s crashin’ down again / ‘Cause here we go again / I’m tired of livin’ in this dissonance / I wanna trust Your Providence / To know that I was meant / To be in this place, this time for a reason / To see my relevance in a world that is bleedin’ / This ain’t my life, but I grip it with obsession / I’m begging, God, can You stop this infection? / This is it, I’m gonna draw my line / I’m gonna shine for Christ where only I can shine / Repeat Chorus>
02 THE FIRST THING
They raise a colored flag for the world to see / And shout in unison for equality / These are the rights they have, each free to choose / Except the ones who oppose their views / We’ve got a case of paralysis / We’re too afraid to call it what it is / But with every stone we throw / He’s writing in the sand / What is the first thing that they see? / Is it the grace You give to me? / Is it a love that won’t let go? / Are You a God they’ve gotta know? / We stare through colored glass at a world in need / We mute His grace with hypocrisy / They see the lofty gaze, judgment in our eyes / And we push them further still away from Christ / We’ve got a case of paralysis We sing of love, but shun the Fatherless / While there’s a God of hope / Who’s reaching out His hand / Repeat Chorus / We speak of Hell and we warn of fate / They call us bigots, full of hate / But we can’t grasp the span of grace / Until we know the Judge we all must face / Repeat Chorus / ‘Cause love is the first thing / Love is the first thing / ‘Cause love is the first thing / Love is the first thing
03 UNTIL YOU MEET HER
You’ve been tryin’ to hang on tight / But it’s eatin’ you alive / It’s another lonely night / You wonder how you will survive / But come on girl, don’t chase the world / It’s all about to fade / And come on boy, she’s not a toy / To use and throw away / You’ve been savin’ for the right one / Wait until you meet her / She’s a mother, she’s a wife Wait until you meet him / There’s a glimmer to his life / You’ve been wantin’ something deeper / Don’t stop until it’s right / Everyone is moving on / While your dreams are locked in place / You’ve been longing to belong / Feels your heart’s a rental space / But come on girl, you’re worth the world / He bought you with a price / And come on boy, be overjoyed / He’s given you new life / You’ve been savin’ for the right one / Repeat Chorus / And everyday, she’s on your mind / And your soul, it aches, as you search for signs / And every night, you feel his kiss / And you ask yourself if he exists / But come on friend, just give it time / Become the mate you long to find / Let His goodness be your guide / And you’ll be ready when two worlds collide / Wait until you meet her / She’s a mother, she’s a wife / Wait until you meet him / There’s a glimmer to his life / Wait until you meet her / She’s a beacon, she’s a light / Wait until you meet him / You can see his love for Christ / You’ve been wantin’ something deeper / Don’t stop until it’s right
04 A STEP AWAY
You want to fill the static / You want to sound dramatic / You want to hear the masses screamin' out your name / You want to be the rage / You want to shake the cage / You want to light the stage, you’re like a moth drawn to the flame / What in the world are you doin' it for? / Something’s always got you comin' back for more / We’re all just a step away / You want to be an inspiration / You want to change a generation / But it’s a subtle deviation, you’re becomin' what you hate / Repeat Chorus / When all is said and done / It all burns up in a fiery sun / Have you lost the passion for saving one? / Repeat Chorus x2 / What in the world are you doin' it for? / What in the world are you doin' it for?
05 HATE WHAT HURTS YOU
We stood as one, we said we do / Beneath the chapel bells / Rain or sun, we would stay true / As long as time could tell / Defend these gates, we’d guard our eyes / We’d hold through every war / But casual lies and compromise / Were scratching at the door / I wanna hate what hurts you / I wanna fight everything that brings you pain / I said I’d never desert you / But I’m playing with the things that break your heart / That break your heart / Oh God, how great Your heart must ache / You look down from Your throne / And You watch the ones You came to save / Abuse the lives they’re loaned / With every sin, another thorn / We drive into Your brow / And insult Your grace and shout with scorn / Our defiance and our doubt/ I wanna hate what hurts You / I wanna fight everything that brings You pain / I said I’d never desert You / There's a waging war inside / Between the darkness and the light / And my soul is torn in two / Matching what I say and what I do / Can you take this heart again? / Let it only beat for you / I wanna hate what hurts You / I wanna fight everything that brings You pain / I said I’d never desert You / But I’m playing with the things that break Your heart / I’ve been playing with the things that break Your heart / That break Your heart
THIS CHRISTMAS TIME (2014)
Presents 'round the Christmas tree/Exchanging laughs and memories/A table full, we watch the snowflakes fall/But all the joys of the holidays/In moments seem to be displaced/Somehow we miss the greatest gift of all/But underneath this starry sky/A striving heart still wonders why/Your boundless grace keeps shining down on me/This Christmas time/Let us marvel at Your love anew/This Christmas time/Revive our hearts with your hope and truth/May we see through blinded eyes/The power of Your sacrifice/This Christmas time/Do a miracle in us/A crib of straw, a child is born/A cross of blood, a mother mourns/He gave His life so He could bring us home/ÒItÕs finished!Ó with a piercing yell, He rescued sinner souls from Hell/Let us lose it all to make our Savior known/Repeat Chorus/For God so loved the world/For God so loved the world/Repeat Chorus/But underneath this starry sky/A striving heart still wonders why/Your boundless grace keeps shining down on me
JOSHUA (2014)
We held your image/A little bean of black and white/A miracle growing inside/We felt you kicking/So strong, we lay awake at night/Wondering what you’d be like/Wondering what you’d be like/So long waiting, soon the day came/It all looked ok/But in an instant, nurses panicked/They took you away/Joshua, Joshua/Follow the light, you’ve gotta fight,/We’re praying somehow/Joshua, Joshua/Breath in His hope, He’s holding you close/Don’t give up now/The bills keep coming/The nights awake with hungry cries/Wondering how we’ll get by/We’re always running/Two ships so far away from shore/Longing for chapters before/Longing for chapters before/How quick we lose sight of the sunlight/And thankfulness fades/With every testing comes a blessing/He’s smiling today/Joshua, Joshua/We’ll follow the Light, We’ve gotta fight/We’re praying somehow/Joshua, Joshua/We’ll breath in His hope, He’s holding us close/We won’t give up now/And the same God who formed you and saved you/Is the same God who’s watching us now/And we know that He loves us, He loves us so much, so much/Joshua, Joshua/We’ll follow the Light, We’ve gotta fight/We’re praying somehow/Joshua, Joshua/We’ll breath in His hope, He’s holding us close/We won’t give up now/ We’ll breath in His hope, He’s holding us close/We won’t give up now/ We’ll breath in His hope, He’s holding us close/We can’t give up now
SNAPSHOTS OF THE SHATTERED SOUL (2011)
01 SURFACING
I feel your waters rushing in/Perceptions wash against my skin/You drag me down until I cannot see/Replaying words of what went wrong/These ghosts of foolish failures gone/And reasons for the man I cannot be/Like a figure under glass/Fighting for his final gasp/I’ve had enough, I see light above/I’m leaving the lies of this abyss/Your waters so cold, they swallow my soul/I’m drowning in seas that don’t exist/I’m surfacing, surfacing/You cloud my thoughts with subtlety/And misconstrue reality/The more I hear, the more it feels like me/You wrap your claws around my heart/And slowly pick my hope apart/You keep me from the air that sets me free/With a spray of shattered blue/My lungs renewed with truth/Repeat Chorus/I’m so sick of trying to save myself/Dear God, I’m desperate for Your help/These lonely blackened depths will leave me dead/There’s no safe place inside I can turn/Please give me guidance to discern/Your voice from all this fiction In my head, my head/Repeat Chorus
02 SHADOWS & SUNLIGHT
This is your silhouette/Your midnight cigarette/Dark roads and cheapened magazines/This is your comfort vice/Whispers of skin’s entice/These are your life’s deleted scenes/The fog is hanging low/No one will ever know/What will it take to make you see this thing is killing you?/What will you give before the fire steals it all from you?/You drink to chance, you chase the night, you hide your sin/Until the morning, and the sun rises again/This is your flawed regret/Your convenient disconnect/Candle calls and unaltered reprises/These are your second tries/Your self-help alibis/But you’re still in love with your disease/Back to the mud you go/And what you reap, you’ll sow/Repeat Chorus/And the shadows, and the shadows get closer, get closer/And the shadows, and the shadows get closer to the sunlight, the sunlight/And the shadows, and the shadows get closer, get closer/And the shadows, and the shadows get closer to the sunlight, the sunlight/The fog is hanging low/Which way will you go?/Repeat Chorus
03 MORE THAN BROKEN
She spends her mornings /Dodging glances from the mirror/Wondering what happened/To the man who wiped her tears/He said he loved her/Now his words cut to the core/She’s nothing more to him than the lies he’d left before/Inside she’s crumbling/And it’s everything she’s done/What am I worth?/What do I matter in this tale of tattered dreams?/I’m just a voice lost in the wreckage/Losing reasons to believe/I keep fighting to belong/But I’m barely hanging on/A Sunday smile shrouds the war/’Cause I’m dying to be more than broken/He spends his evenings/Pretending not to care/Head beneath the pillow/There’s an argument downstairs/He was never good enough/Was he really their mistake?/The things that made him different now/Were the things he’d grown to hate/He’s tired of trying/They’ll regret the mess they’ve made/What am I worth?/What do I matter in this tale of tattered dreams?/I’m just a voice lost in the wreckage/Losing reasons to believe/I keep fighting to belong/But I’m barely hanging on/A wounded smile cloaks the war/’Cause I’m dying to be more than broken/Maybe there’s love that won’t let go/Maybe there’s One who heals the soul/A constant friend along uncertain roads/Maybe He meets us where we are/Making beautiful these scars/He hears the cries of our forsaken hearts/What are you worth?/What do you matter in this tale of tattered dreams?/Are you just a voice lost in the wreckage/Losing reasons to believe?/When you’re fighting to belong/And it feels all love is gone/There’s a God who knows your war/And He lives to make you more than broken/More than broken
04 HANGING IN THE BALANCE
It’s in days like these/Our fortresses are candid/How breakable, how fragile and exposed/There’s so much we love/And so much we‘ve abandoned/On a stage not ours, in a play we never wrote/And when the answers /That we cling to are a blur/And when the pillars/That we trust in are unsure/You are The Lord, the First and Last/God of the Ages, Unsurpassed/Who are we here that You should care/We fade away like grass/You are above all time and space/You hold the galaxies in place/You know the hairs upon my head/Each breath is by Your grace/I am hanging in the balance of Your hands/I am hanging in the balance of Your hands/It’s in days like these/Our purpose is awakened/And we’re forced to face the place our treasure lies/As the earth below/Our mortal feet is shaken/The hope of glory wells within our eyes/As their kingdoms fail/A greater Kingdom stands/As their hope is lost/We’re sheltered in Your hands/Repeat Chorus/And as the world as we know it starts to crumble/As its flags begin to burn/We will raise our eyes in worship and in wonder/For Your Love is ever firm/I am hanging in the balance of Your hands/I am hanging in the balance of Your hands/Repeat Chorus
05 KEEPING TIME
Quarter past five and he’s forcing a break/He’ll say it’s nothing ‘bout the figures he makes/I wonder what’s the reason, this weary cycle he’s in/Some insecurity that he can’t shake/His greatest fear is awaking to flames/Knowing that there’s nothing left to his name/All the days he’s slaving, for a life he’s hating/Trying to reconcile the emptiness and the pain/Like the sands of an hourglass shifting away/Like the hands of a clock spinning out on the day/He’s obsessed with a speck on eternity’s line/’Cause all he knows is keeping time/Twenty third birthday, always trapped in herself/Beauty for the cover of a prisoner cell/Another glide of make-up/Her heart a chronic break-up/If only she could see beyond the magazine shelf/Like the sands of an hourglass shifting away/Like the hands of a clock spinning out on the day/She’s obsessed with a speck on eternity’s line/’Cause all she knows is keeping time/This world and its lies, just leaves us wanting more/We’re born and we die, what are we dying for?/These treasures that we clutch/They all just turn to dust/Would we gain it all if we lost it all for love?/Like the sands of an hourglass shifting away/Like the hands of a clock spinning out on the day/We’re obsessed with a speck on eternity’s line/When all we know is keeping time/Like the sands of an hourglass shifting away/Like the hands of a clock spinning out on the day/We’re obsessed with a speck on eternity’s line/The more we grab, the more we’ll find/We’re losing time keeping time/Losing time, keeping time
06 MISSING
Don’t know the day you disappeared/Let me just say it’s not the same without you here/All it could be, it never will be/As long as you hold the world at bay/Wish I knew why you run away/And I wonder what went wrong/All the years that you’ve been gone/I’ve been searching for so long/Still you’re missing/My spirit’s in despair/Are these feelings ones we share?/Could it be that you don’t care/That you’re missing?/You’re still missing/I’ve done all I can to make this right/Boards on the windows, you won’t let me near your life/They say we’ll stay close to what means the most/And sadly I feel from you so far/I can’t say I know just who you are/And I wonder what went wrong/All the years that you’ve been gone/I’ve been searching for so long/Still you’re missing/My spirit’s in despair/Are these feelings ones we share?/How I wish that you were here/Still you’re missing/Will it always be this way?/Will we hang our hearts someday?/Sorry that we hadn’t held the moments/Closer than we did?/Only God can crack the walls/And awake the wasted cause/How I pray He’ll give us reasons to begin/Can we leave the place we’ve been?/And I wonder what went wrong/All the years that you’ve been gone/We’ve been searching for so long/Still you’re missing/You’ve left us in despair/Are these feelings ones you share?/If you knew how much we cared/But you’re missing/All you’re missing/All you’re missing
07 CANYON'S EDGE
I’ve heard it time and time again/More than I could count/And I’ve always seemed to find a road out/But somehow the signs make sense/As my heart is caving in/This night was not by accident/Feels like there’s a thousand voices /Screaming out to me/And I don’t know which to believe/You’ve led me here to the edge of a canyon/I’ve run so far, now there’s nowhere else to go/You whisper son just take my hand and/Let yourself fall from the rocks you used to know/But I’m afraid of what’s below/This canyon’s edge/So lost, I can’t find where to start/With all my best attempts/Have You seen the places that I’ve been?/But You’re reaching out Your arms/Saying, come just as you are/‘Cause nothing can keep us apart/Feels like there’s a single voice/Who’s silencing them all/Lord Jesus, catch me as I fall/You’ve led me here to the edge of a canyon/I’ve run so far, now there’s nowhere else to go/You whisper son just take my hand and/Let yourself fly from the rocks you used to know/But I’m afraid of what’s below/This canyon’s edge/I AM the Resurrection/The Way, The Truth, The Life/I AM the only Passage from here to the other side/No one comes to the Father/Except he trust my name/This cross I gave my life on/Is where you’ll find that yours begins/Yours begins/You’ve led me here to the edge of a canyon/I’ve run so far, now there’s nowhere else to go/You whisper son just hold my hand and/Let yourself fly from the rocks that blur below/This new world that you will know/This new world that you will know/Beyond this canyon’s edge/This canyon’s edge
08 BED OF STRANGERS
This was not the world they pictured/ A flowered landscape now submerged in lifeless snow/Diamond dreams outgrew their glitter/And the love they’d lost is everything they’d know /Beneath a sky of scars/In sheets of bleeding hearts/This bed of strangers/A foot away, a trillion worlds apart/Had this house known a foundation?/Sinking floors of stubborn wills and setting suns/Vows replaced with words of venom/Never understood how two could become one, become one/Repeat Chorus/Is this all, is this all?/How we see is who we are/Repeat Chorus/A choice away, a trillion worlds apart
09 A WORLD WITHOUT
Hunger feasts on fields so poor/Chains of famine, and trails of war/Sunken stares of cruel disease/A widow’s cry, an orphan’s plea/Do we know how much they’re loved?/Break me for a world in need/The innocents whose spirits bleed/Let their burdens bring me to my knees/I’m closest to Your heart/When I’m reaching one of these/Sidewalks speak, graffiti’s park/Cardboard signs, and a shopping cart/The next door fight we’ve yet to meet/The strobe light blinds across the street/Do we know how much they’re loved?/Break me for a world in need/The wounded souls, the wandering sheep/May their burdens bring me to my knees/I’m closest to Your heart/When I’m reaching one of these/A world without Your peace/A world without Your hope/Blessed are the ones who go/Break me for a world in need/The innocents whose spirits bleed/Let their burdens bring me to my knees, my knees/Break me for a world in need/The wounded souls, the wandering sheep/May their burdens bring me to my knees/I’m closest to Your heart/When I’m reaching one of these/I’m closest to Your heart/When I’m reaching one of these
10 TODAY
You thought you were strong/Blind sighted, you’re back in the clash that you left/You thought this was gone/But this morning it hit like a swing to your chest/And your heart is wearing thin/And you’re tempted to give in/You’ve gotta push on, stay strong/Don’t look back, just keep on running/He’s gonna show you the way/So lift your head up, get up/The prize ahead is worth the fighting/Just set your eyes on today/You’ve stood through the night/But even the bravest of saints, they grow tired/He’s felt what it’s like/And He knows how to rescue the drained from the fire/When help is what you need/The truth can set you free/Repeat Chorus/When the demons are raging/And you feel that spiral down/See that it’s in your weakness/That this perfect strength is found/Repeat Chorus x2/You’ve gotta hang on today/You’ve gotta hang on today/All you’ve got is today
11 WORSHIPPING YOU
Where can I flee, where can I flee/The God of everything?/How can I speak, how can I speak/In the presence of a King?/Just as a sheep, just as a sheep/From the fold has gone astray/How quickly I leave, how quickly I leave/The One who paid my way/What has my heart become?/What has my heart become?/Jesus, I’m broken, longing for You/I’m nothing, I’m lost, I’m dead without You/Falling upon my knees before You/Worshipping You, worshipping You/Jesus, I’m broken, longing for You/I’m nothing, I’m lost, I’m dead without You/Falling upon my knees before You/Worshipping You, worshipping You/How could You die, how could You die/For the world that wove those thorns?/To think it was my, to think it was my/Very sins that sunk that sword/Oh what a grace, oh what a grace/The blood that saved my soul/You hung in my place, You hung in my place/The greatest love a man could know/After everything You’ve done/After everything You’ve done/Repeat Chorus/You are the Light, God born as man/Slain for the world, the innocent Lamb/You are the Life, the timeless I Am/Holy enthroned and coming again/Repeat Chorus
12 PORTRAIT OF ME
Here is my heart on canvas/These are the shades of my intent/Circles and lines so random/And sketches of what I should’ve been/I’d like to call myself a work of art/But our standards God are vastly far apart/If You drew a portrait of me/Would I find Your face in it?/If You caught a likeness of me/Would I be ashamed of it?/Am I becoming what You want to see?/Let me be your masterpiece!/This is the work of an artist/The passionate movement of Your hand/You carefully guide the brushstrokes/Capturing each nuance of Your plan/And all the drafts of me I wish to throw away/But You arrange the ugliness in a glorious display/Repeat Chorus/Hanging in your gallery/One piece upon the wall/If only to amaze the world /With the God who made it all/Repeat Chorus
13 WHEREVER LOVE WOULD GO
It still feels like a miracle/How we came to meet/Your smile so bright and beautiful/Your eyes so warm and sweet/ A jewel among millions/You’re the pearl that I adore/I’ll treat you like treasure/You’re a gift from Heaven’s shore/Wherever life would lead us/I’ll stand beside you/Let nothing come between us/I’m fighting for you/Wherever love would go/I’ll go there too/A love so patient, pure, and strong/It does not seek its own/Refusing all accounts of wrong/May peace enfold our home/With every new chapter/Let our love grow deeper still/A string of three fibers/Two entwined within God’s will/Repeat Chorus/I pray we’ll never grow apart/As our Father leads the way/You will always have my heart/And in your arms is where I’ll stay/Repeat Chorus
BACKSTAGE PASS (2004)
02 PULL THROUGH
Crashing questions flood my mind/As broken answers float away/To my knees I sink before You/As I fade in seas of grey/But there I see You walking,/Speaking to the waves/Splashing hands I'm shaking,/Screaming out in faith/Lord, I need You/Take me far from here/Give me strength to soar again/Let me live in the light You left for me/I'm gonna pull through/Holy pages stained with grace/As speechless oceans drench my soul/At your feet I sing before You/And in this emptiness I'm full/And every breath I've wasted,Drowning in these doubts/And all along You've waited,/Screaming through my clouds/I can feel You/Repeat Chorus/Trapped inside a world of temperament/Swept along these shores of circumstance, But You’re reaching in/Repeat Chorus
03 SUPPOSED TO BE
It’s like a lead weight/These chains of self that strap your neck/So swiftly sunk with disbelief/Defeat is your fate/These guilty leaches grip your chest/Choked in the words you can’t complete/But you’re free/Still searching for some lost identity/And you’re trapped within these webs of history/Every dead end brings you back to Calvary/It’s who you’re supposed to be/He came the same way/Sinless, but tempted still like us/He felt the claws of fallen flesh/These thoughts that you hate/Just bring them captive to His love/He bled away your worse regress/Repeat Chorus/Made a new creation/These shackles, they’re gone/So leave the imitation/He’s calling you home/Repeat Chorus
04 HURRICANE
Crazy how the things you know /Unveil the ways you're wrong/And all the stars you've held so close/Can vanish with the dawn/Skies that seemed to write your name/Brought you storms of spinning rain/Spinning rain/The wind is ripping at my face/So I close my eyes in faith/I'm holding on/And when my world is falling in/Your peace consoles me/And when these thoughts can't touch the end/You promise me Your rest/And when I don't know where to try/And when these wings can't see to fly/And when this heart's too worn to cry/You're the eye of my hurricane/Crazy how the things you need/Remind you what you have/And all the wounds that made you weak/Give strength to steeper paths/Clouds your cries could not erase/Left you limp in arms of grace/Arms of grace/The wind is ripping at my face/So I close my eyes in faith/I'm holding on/Repeat Chorus/And when this life's too thick to breathe/I cling to You, You carry me/You whisper words that calm this raging night again/And as these demons whirl around/I hold to You, I won't look down/I feel Your light inside/It's rising in the distance/Repeat Chorus
05 AFTER EVERYTHING
When sorry won't wipe it away/And forgive me is answered in grey/I've been fighting, I've been praying/But it's dying, I’m watching it fade/After everything I messed up/Everything I knew not/Everything I couldn't see/After everything she’d hide/And everything I tried to be/I longed to be/When perfect is left in the rain/And I love you can't remember your name/I've been bleeding, I've been waiting/Now I’m leaving, it's just not the same/After everything I messed up/Everything I knew not/Everything I couldn't see/After everything she’d despise/Everything I tried to be/This was our parade, my friend/As a heart betrayed runs again/After every night you smilee/And every time you laughed/And every kiss you shared with me/After everything we had /And everything we longed to be/I'm gonna be, you're gonna be/We're gonna be
06 MAKING OF A ROCK STAR
Strutting around, a Strato ‘69 glued to your neck/You’re skipping school to jam /With Jimmy on your three-piece stack/That Abercrombie blond, a smile that melts, you’re so the look/And every freshman chick/Wants you to sign her French notebook/It’s three a.m., inspired pen and paper by the bed/There’s thirty teen-sensation grammys sprinting through your head/Mom’s talking college, but you’re tired of learning how to spell/While everyone keeps screaming, “Can you play that somewhere else?”/And your future looks so bright/You were born for these spotlights/You’ve got the making of a rock star/Well, I can see you going so far/And if you dream of playing fast and loud/For a crazy crowd/Dontcha leave that stage without sharing the bow/He’ll take the interview if you’ll remind him of his name/The dye from all those tattoos must have gotten to his brain/Still sports the earrings, but the mullet’s getting sort of thin/There’s three-packs of his greatest hits in Wal-Mart’s discount bin/His purple air guitar got dumped in 1988/While pretty band boys dance with songs they’d like to think they made/So now he’s hosting infomercials about herbal health/Because the techno remakes/Wouldn’t seem to leave the shelf/And every gold must lose its shine/Just remember why you rhyme/Repeat Chorus/Can’t forget your skyway gig/(He sent you such a gift)/Don’t you waste it with the pigs/Repeat Chorus
07 FOOLED
Bottled and raised inside this town/You like to take the shortest way around/Learned how to stand and when to sit down/You've always been the star/You bring two legs for every fence/Know how to fake that stained glass grin/Learned how to wipe those greasy fingerprints/From that cookie jar, yeah/You’re switching masks/Playing everyone's stage/Straddling the ropes of rapport/You won't sleep in this bed that He’s made/Because you know you can’t lock these doors/You flash a diamond from your knees/You're everything she wants a man to be/But there's a shaded room you’re praying she won’t see/It's just the way you are/It's sad the way you are/Repeat Chorus/You blur the lines/You’re dead, but you can’t see the signs/Five candles, funnel hats and screams/Seems just like yesterday, but now he’s seventeen/He’s got a gift of dancing in between/He’s just the way you are/Is it the way you are?/Repeat Chorus/You're so fooled
08 A THOUSAND GODS
Chills of tragedy/A nation finds its need/As caskets pass, we stop to pray/Darkened mornings flee/Repack our rosaries/We frame the light, but won’t obey/A thousand gods, a thousand lies/Ten thousand paths to touch the sky/A million walks for penance pride/With shifting laws of twisted tries/A trillion souls to tortured loss/A spotless lamb, the rugged cross/A perfect love, a sweeping grace/This pending choice, the only way//He spoke from Abraham/The laws of counting hands/The King they killed, a love denied/Laid aside their robes/In anger, threw those stones/As Stephen bled, He clung to Christ/Repeat Chorus/And all the idols we create/These gods of tolerance and taste/Forms without a face/And only few will find the gate/Our single saving grace/We owe Him everything/Jesus
09 BY NOW
Carcass soul, the darkest sin abyss/Echoing crow, betrayer leaves a kiss/Sacrifice, so selfishly arranged/Crucified, gasping from my shame/Father, do You hear me?/Savior, can You heal me?/By now, I should’ve packed and left this place /I should’ve thrown these lusts away, by now/By now,You should’ve slammed these palace gates/I’m so ashamed to show my face, right now/Candle lights, chorus sung in vain/Wand’ring child, so foolishly inflamed/Granite heart, spitting blood stained hands/Teardrops pour, a faithless wretched man/Father, do You hear me?/Savior, can You reach me?/Repeat Chorus/You break bread with me/And still You call me friend/You calm my deepest need/And cleanse my foulest sin
10 LADDER
A golden afternoon in May/Cameras flashed and tassels waved/A closing pose with plaques engraved/Just to think how far we’ve come/With corporate dreams and trophy brides/Diapered cribs and fences white/Polished rungs of applauded heights/So innocently clung/Ridiculously hung/This is the ladder/These are the rumors/This is the future we’ll sink to find/These are the towers /Our daddies built for us to climb/This is the measure/These are the dangers/This is the pressure that we’ve defined/These are the tangles/From a land we’ve left behind/Foxes’ dens and sparrows’ nests/The Son of Man sought no place to rest/So go and sell that real estate/And burn those resumes’/Eternity can’t wait/Repeat Chorus/Flannelgraphs and Bible crafts/And stories ‘bout a King that left/His throne for love/Balding paths and buried tracks/And feasted tables lined with scraps/Of lives untouched/Angels grieve as pulpits preach/In castles locked from trouble streets/Beneath a setting sun/Beneath a setting sun/Beneath a setting sun/Repeat Chorus/ A golden afternoon in May/Cameras flashed and tassels waved/A closing pose with plaques engraved/Just to think how far we’ve come
11 BACKSTAGE PASS
I’ve got a backstage pass/But the show won’t end/Well I’ve been stuck here for years/They’re careless liquor latched and uncondemned/But I’m so glad You hear my cheers/And now I see You from a distance/In this drunken crowd, I’m cold and alone/Man, I’m so sick of this cheap system/But You remind me this ain’t home/I’ve got a backstage pass/But the clouds won’t close/As Sunday shouts the end is near/I’ve got my bags all packed/For that thin gold road/Guess I missed out on why I’m here/Repeat Chorus/I’ve got a backstage pass/But the show won’t end/Guess I missed out on why I’m here
01 MOONSHINE
Solitude moon / Drifitin’ in white / The streets are sleepin’ / But your blood is on fire / You’re feelin’ that chill / Down your spine / Voices collidin’ / But you’re cuttin’ the line / Don’t let it take hold/ Bolt the door / And guard your soul /The dark won’t win tonight
02 OVER THIS HOUSE
Over this house / Over this house / There's a violent stir in the skies / There's a silence storm of weary cries / There's a saggin' weight on the beams / There's a demon nudge in our dreams / United we will pray / 'Till the monsters go away / Over this house / Rain Your angels down / Over this house / Let Your light be found / Heaven spread Your wings / Over this house tonight /Over this house / How we need Your grace, the flesh is weak / Oh to see Your face and hear You speak / We know this fight is not with flesh and bone / And in this fight, we're armed and not alone / The shadows will not reign / They tremble at Your name / Over this house/ Rain Your angels down / Over this house / Let Your light be found / Heaven spread Your wings / Over this house tonight / Tonight / Ain't no dark room Your light can't fill / Ain't no nightmare Your peace can't still / Ain't no stronghold Your love can't kill, oh / No weapon can prevail God, come and have Your will / Over this house / Over this house Rain Your angels down / Over this house / Let Your light be found / Heaven spread Your wings / Over this house tonight / Over this house / Over this house / Over this house / Over this house / United we will pray / 'Till the monsters go away
03 GLIMMER
Music in your soul / Don't know where you learned those moves / Hair up in your face / Got two different colored shoes / You've always got a way / Of shuttin' up the blues / Somehow you're gonna make us smile / You've got that glimmer, glimmer / Ain't nobody got your style / You've got that glimmer, glimmer / Beautiful and wild / Contagious, outrageous / The kind of joy that makes this / Cold world a better place / You've got that glimmer / Don't let 'em take your heart / That love inside of you / Gotta find a way to dance / It's all a point of view / When your clouds are overwhelmin’ / Know the sun is shinin' soon / And God's gonna get you through / You've got that glimmer, glimmer / Ain't nobody got your style / You've got that glimmer, glimmer / Beautiful and wild / Contagious, outrageous / The kind of joy that makes this / Cold world a better place / You've got that glimmer / Like a diamond in the light / You just can't help but shine / Someday you might change the world / But for now, you're changin' mine / Girl, you're changin' mine / You've got that glimmer, glimmer / Ain't nobody got your style / You've got that glimmer, glimmer / Beautiful and wild / Contagious, outrageous / The kind of joy that makes this / Cold world a better place / You've got that glimmer
04 ORGANIZED RELIGION
They filled the aisles / Embraced the call to a country far away / Suit and tie ambassadors for a world that needed saved / Castin’ nets with blazin’ lights / But their hearts were ruled by law / They traded Christ and polished their facade / They sold their souls while they were sellin’ God / It’s the new sensation / You’re gonna love the sound of it / But don’t be taken / Don’t you buy the counterfeit / Don’t confuse the games they play / With the One who gave His life away / Don’t be taken / Organized religion / She wiped the wounds and clung to God / And found the faith to pray / Gave her life for messy souls the suits had thrown away / She forgave the lies and raised her eyes / Turned jaded into good / And walked the road the godly never would / She walked the road the godly never would / It’s the new sensation / You’re gonna love the sound of it / But don’t be taken / Don’t you buy the counterfeit / Don’t confuse the games they play / With the One who gave His life away / Don’t be taken / Organized religion / Lift your hands if you’ve been burned / Lift your hands if you’ve been burned / Where is the love of Jesus? / Where is the joy that frees us? / Where is the peace, the life, the hope / The grace of the forgiven? / Oh, don’t you miss the dangers / Oh, can you feel His anger? / Oh, as He flips the tables / This is not His bride you’re seein’ / This is not His bride / It’s the new sensation / It’s the new sensation / It’s the new sensation / You’re gonna love the sound of it / But don’t be taken / Don’t you buy the counterfeit / Don’t confuse the games they play / With the One who gave His life away / Don’t be taken / Organized religion / Organized religion / Lift your hands if you’ve been burned
05 LOVE CONQUERS ALL
Bleedin', will your heart ever heal and stop / Grievin', is this just another sad season / Or is this where you fall apart / Memories, they tell you to leave them / You're searchin', they say that you're crazy / Abandoned, but God only knows your heart / He knows your heart / Copin', what you thought was a tapestry / Broken, crashed into tragedy / Hopin' that you’ll find the wings to start / Where will you start? / Tryin' to make it through the night / Will you make it out alive? / And all the wars and politics / And all the wounds you cannot fix / Don’t let them define you / When cannons fire and hope feels gone / Don’t let the darkness steal your song / Just leave this behind you / When the bricks finally fall / Love conquers all / Stay true, don't miss all the love that / Surrounds you, don't run from the Father / Who bought you, He's proud of who you are / Who you are / You're gonna make it out alive / Just keep reachin’ for the skies / And all the wars and politics / And all the wounds you cannot fix Don’t let them define you / When cannons fire and hope feels gone / Don’t let the darkness steal your song / Just leave this behind you / When every nightmare's comin' true / The Maker's got His hand on you / Your world can never be the same / But your Father's love won't change / And though the life you knew is gone / You finally found where you belong / What was planned to bring you harm / Has only led you to His arms / And all the wars and politics / And all the wounds you cannot fix / Don’t let them define you / When cannons fire and hope feels gone / Don’t let the darkness steal your song / Just leave this behind you / When the bricks finally fall / When the bricks finally fall / Love conquers all / Love conquers all / Don’t you doubt it / And don’t forget it / He’s proud of you
06 ALIVE
Ain’t nothin’ like the sun rays / Dancin’ on my skin / The crashin’ of the waves / Children playin’ in the sand / To let those worries drift into the / Endless tides of Alantic blue / Bring me back to the place that I knew / I wanna live again / Oh, this is how it feels Oh, this is how it feels / To be alive / To be alive / Walkin’ in the trenches / My joy’s been under lock / Emotions on the fringes / My hope’s up on the rocks / My heart is longin’ for a strong wind Break these chains that hold me down / Bring me back to the love that I knew / I wanna live again / Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah / Oh, this is how it feels / Oh, this is how it feels / To be alive / I’m done wih colorin’ in the lines / Gonna leave this baggage all behind Soarin’ on a love that’s so divine / Oh, this is how it feels / Oh, this is how it feels / Oh, this is how it feels / Oh, this is how it feels / To be alive / To be alive / To be alive / To be alive / To be alive
07 LITTLE COATS
He left you cold and paralyzed / That demon look in his eyes / And every day it’s markin’ you / And you’re still runnin’ from the truth / These are the little coats he made / These are the nightmares that never fade / These are the weights that made you break / This is the innocence he’d take / Another fractured generation / Another twisted imitation / These are the little coats / These are the little coats / Few would see your secret war / You couldn’t feel love anymore / And every day the monster grew / Can’t imagine how this is hauntin’ you / Can’t imagine how this is hauntin’ you / These are the little coats you made / These are the nightmares that never fade / These are the wounds that you’d replay / This is the innocence you’d take / Another fractured generation / Another twisted imitation / These are the little coats / These are the little coats / I’ve been sortin’ through your lies / Tryin’ to see the human in those eyes / Ain’t no forgiveness for denial / Ain’t no excuse to hurt a child / You don’t hurt a child / These are the little coats you made / These are the nightmares that never fade / These are the wounds that you’d replay / This is the innocence you’d take / Another fractured generation / Another twisted imitation / These are the little coats These are the little coats / There’s still time to make it right / Before you’re standin’ in the light / Don’t lose it all to save your pride / These are the little coats / These are the hearts you broke / These are the little coats you made / These are the debts He died to pay / This is the longitude of grace / This is your innocence remade / Another fractured generation / Another sinner’s invitation / These are the little coats / These are the little coats / These are the little coats
RIGHT WHERE YOU WANT ME EP (2016)
01 RIGHT WHERE YOU WANT ME
Got it all dreamed out / Got the routes all mapped / Got the cars lined up / On a freight train track / Burning up my doubts / Forgettin’ where I’ve been / But here we go, it’s crashin’ down again / When the bitter west wind keeps bringin’ it / When I’m about sick of making sense of it / When another let down seems imminent / Well, You’ve got me / Right where you want me / Like I’m tryin’ to retie a tourniquet / Just when I think I’m finally finished learnin’ it / You’ve always got a way of reworkin’ it / ‘Cause You’ve got me / Right where You want me / It’s never like we’ve planned / Another two steps back / Is it a game of chance? / Have the cards been stacked? / An enemy of change / I’m tryin’ to see Your hand / ‘Cause here we go, it’s crashin’ down / It’s crashin’ down again / Repeat Chorus / ‘Cause here we go again / It’s crashin’ down again / ‘Cause here we go again / I’m tired of livin’ in this dissonance / I wanna trust Your Providence / To know that I was meant / To be in this place, this time for a reason / To see my relevance in a world that is bleedin’ / This ain’t my life, but I grip it with obsession / I’m begging, God, can You stop this infection? / This is it, I’m gonna draw my line / I’m gonna shine for Christ where only I can shine / Repeat Chorus>
02 THE FIRST THING
They raise a colored flag for the world to see / And shout in unison for equality / These are the rights they have, each free to choose / Except the ones who oppose their views / We’ve got a case of paralysis / We’re too afraid to call it what it is / But with every stone we throw / He’s writing in the sand / What is the first thing that they see? / Is it the grace You give to me? / Is it a love that won’t let go? / Are You a God they’ve gotta know? / We stare through colored glass at a world in need / We mute His grace with hypocrisy / They see the lofty gaze, judgment in our eyes / And we push them further still away from Christ / We’ve got a case of paralysis We sing of love, but shun the Fatherless / While there’s a God of hope / Who’s reaching out His hand / Repeat Chorus / We speak of Hell and we warn of fate / They call us bigots, full of hate / But we can’t grasp the span of grace / Until we know the Judge we all must face / Repeat Chorus / ‘Cause love is the first thing / Love is the first thing / ‘Cause love is the first thing / Love is the first thing
03 UNTIL YOU MEET HER
You’ve been tryin’ to hang on tight / But it’s eatin’ you alive / It’s another lonely night / You wonder how you will survive / But come on girl, don’t chase the world / It’s all about to fade / And come on boy, she’s not a toy / To use and throw away / You’ve been savin’ for the right one / Wait until you meet her / She’s a mother, she’s a wife Wait until you meet him / There’s a glimmer to his life / You’ve been wantin’ something deeper / Don’t stop until it’s right / Everyone is moving on / While your dreams are locked in place / You’ve been longing to belong / Feels your heart’s a rental space / But come on girl, you’re worth the world / He bought you with a price / And come on boy, be overjoyed / He’s given you new life / You’ve been savin’ for the right one / Repeat Chorus / And everyday, she’s on your mind / And your soul, it aches, as you search for signs / And every night, you feel his kiss / And you ask yourself if he exists / But come on friend, just give it time / Become the mate you long to find / Let His goodness be your guide / And you’ll be ready when two worlds collide / Wait until you meet her / She’s a mother, she’s a wife / Wait until you meet him / There’s a glimmer to his life / Wait until you meet her / She’s a beacon, she’s a light / Wait until you meet him / You can see his love for Christ / You’ve been wantin’ something deeper / Don’t stop until it’s right
04 A STEP AWAY
You want to fill the static / You want to sound dramatic / You want to hear the masses screamin' out your name / You want to be the rage / You want to shake the cage / You want to light the stage, you’re like a moth drawn to the flame / What in the world are you doin' it for? / Something’s always got you comin' back for more / We’re all just a step away / You want to be an inspiration / You want to change a generation / But it’s a subtle deviation, you’re becomin' what you hate / Repeat Chorus / When all is said and done / It all burns up in a fiery sun / Have you lost the passion for saving one? / Repeat Chorus x2 / What in the world are you doin' it for? / What in the world are you doin' it for?
05 HATE WHAT HURTS YOU
We stood as one, we said we do / Beneath the chapel bells / Rain or sun, we would stay true / As long as time could tell / Defend these gates, we’d guard our eyes / We’d hold through every war / But casual lies and compromise / Were scratching at the door / I wanna hate what hurts you / I wanna fight everything that brings you pain / I said I’d never desert you / But I’m playing with the things that break your heart / That break your heart / Oh God, how great Your heart must ache / You look down from Your throne / And You watch the ones You came to save / Abuse the lives they’re loaned / With every sin, another thorn / We drive into Your brow / And insult Your grace and shout with scorn / Our defiance and our doubt/ I wanna hate what hurts You / I wanna fight everything that brings You pain / I said I’d never desert You / There's a waging war inside / Between the darkness and the light / And my soul is torn in two / Matching what I say and what I do / Can you take this heart again? / Let it only beat for you / I wanna hate what hurts You / I wanna fight everything that brings You pain / I said I’d never desert You / But I’m playing with the things that break Your heart / I’ve been playing with the things that break Your heart / That break Your heart
THIS CHRISTMAS TIME (2014)
Presents 'round the Christmas tree/Exchanging laughs and memories/A table full, we watch the snowflakes fall/But all the joys of the holidays/In moments seem to be displaced/Somehow we miss the greatest gift of all/But underneath this starry sky/A striving heart still wonders why/Your boundless grace keeps shining down on me/This Christmas time/Let us marvel at Your love anew/This Christmas time/Revive our hearts with your hope and truth/May we see through blinded eyes/The power of Your sacrifice/This Christmas time/Do a miracle in us/A crib of straw, a child is born/A cross of blood, a mother mourns/He gave His life so He could bring us home/ÒItÕs finished!Ó with a piercing yell, He rescued sinner souls from Hell/Let us lose it all to make our Savior known/Repeat Chorus/For God so loved the world/For God so loved the world/Repeat Chorus/But underneath this starry sky/A striving heart still wonders why/Your boundless grace keeps shining down on me
JOSHUA (2014)
We held your image/A little bean of black and white/A miracle growing inside/We felt you kicking/So strong, we lay awake at night/Wondering what you’d be like/Wondering what you’d be like/So long waiting, soon the day came/It all looked ok/But in an instant, nurses panicked/They took you away/Joshua, Joshua/Follow the light, you’ve gotta fight,/We’re praying somehow/Joshua, Joshua/Breath in His hope, He’s holding you close/Don’t give up now/The bills keep coming/The nights awake with hungry cries/Wondering how we’ll get by/We’re always running/Two ships so far away from shore/Longing for chapters before/Longing for chapters before/How quick we lose sight of the sunlight/And thankfulness fades/With every testing comes a blessing/He’s smiling today/Joshua, Joshua/We’ll follow the Light, We’ve gotta fight/We’re praying somehow/Joshua, Joshua/We’ll breath in His hope, He’s holding us close/We won’t give up now/And the same God who formed you and saved you/Is the same God who’s watching us now/And we know that He loves us, He loves us so much, so much/Joshua, Joshua/We’ll follow the Light, We’ve gotta fight/We’re praying somehow/Joshua, Joshua/We’ll breath in His hope, He’s holding us close/We won’t give up now/ We’ll breath in His hope, He’s holding us close/We won’t give up now/ We’ll breath in His hope, He’s holding us close/We can’t give up now
SNAPSHOTS OF THE SHATTERED SOUL (2011)
01 SURFACING
I feel your waters rushing in/Perceptions wash against my skin/You drag me down until I cannot see/Replaying words of what went wrong/These ghosts of foolish failures gone/And reasons for the man I cannot be/Like a figure under glass/Fighting for his final gasp/I’ve had enough, I see light above/I’m leaving the lies of this abyss/Your waters so cold, they swallow my soul/I’m drowning in seas that don’t exist/I’m surfacing, surfacing/You cloud my thoughts with subtlety/And misconstrue reality/The more I hear, the more it feels like me/You wrap your claws around my heart/And slowly pick my hope apart/You keep me from the air that sets me free/With a spray of shattered blue/My lungs renewed with truth/Repeat Chorus/I’m so sick of trying to save myself/Dear God, I’m desperate for Your help/These lonely blackened depths will leave me dead/There’s no safe place inside I can turn/Please give me guidance to discern/Your voice from all this fiction In my head, my head/Repeat Chorus
02 SHADOWS & SUNLIGHT
This is your silhouette/Your midnight cigarette/Dark roads and cheapened magazines/This is your comfort vice/Whispers of skin’s entice/These are your life’s deleted scenes/The fog is hanging low/No one will ever know/What will it take to make you see this thing is killing you?/What will you give before the fire steals it all from you?/You drink to chance, you chase the night, you hide your sin/Until the morning, and the sun rises again/This is your flawed regret/Your convenient disconnect/Candle calls and unaltered reprises/These are your second tries/Your self-help alibis/But you’re still in love with your disease/Back to the mud you go/And what you reap, you’ll sow/Repeat Chorus/And the shadows, and the shadows get closer, get closer/And the shadows, and the shadows get closer to the sunlight, the sunlight/And the shadows, and the shadows get closer, get closer/And the shadows, and the shadows get closer to the sunlight, the sunlight/The fog is hanging low/Which way will you go?/Repeat Chorus
03 MORE THAN BROKEN
She spends her mornings /Dodging glances from the mirror/Wondering what happened/To the man who wiped her tears/He said he loved her/Now his words cut to the core/She’s nothing more to him than the lies he’d left before/Inside she’s crumbling/And it’s everything she’s done/What am I worth?/What do I matter in this tale of tattered dreams?/I’m just a voice lost in the wreckage/Losing reasons to believe/I keep fighting to belong/But I’m barely hanging on/A Sunday smile shrouds the war/’Cause I’m dying to be more than broken/He spends his evenings/Pretending not to care/Head beneath the pillow/There’s an argument downstairs/He was never good enough/Was he really their mistake?/The things that made him different now/Were the things he’d grown to hate/He’s tired of trying/They’ll regret the mess they’ve made/What am I worth?/What do I matter in this tale of tattered dreams?/I’m just a voice lost in the wreckage/Losing reasons to believe/I keep fighting to belong/But I’m barely hanging on/A wounded smile cloaks the war/’Cause I’m dying to be more than broken/Maybe there’s love that won’t let go/Maybe there’s One who heals the soul/A constant friend along uncertain roads/Maybe He meets us where we are/Making beautiful these scars/He hears the cries of our forsaken hearts/What are you worth?/What do you matter in this tale of tattered dreams?/Are you just a voice lost in the wreckage/Losing reasons to believe?/When you’re fighting to belong/And it feels all love is gone/There’s a God who knows your war/And He lives to make you more than broken/More than broken
04 HANGING IN THE BALANCE
It’s in days like these/Our fortresses are candid/How breakable, how fragile and exposed/There’s so much we love/And so much we‘ve abandoned/On a stage not ours, in a play we never wrote/And when the answers /That we cling to are a blur/And when the pillars/That we trust in are unsure/You are The Lord, the First and Last/God of the Ages, Unsurpassed/Who are we here that You should care/We fade away like grass/You are above all time and space/You hold the galaxies in place/You know the hairs upon my head/Each breath is by Your grace/I am hanging in the balance of Your hands/I am hanging in the balance of Your hands/It’s in days like these/Our purpose is awakened/And we’re forced to face the place our treasure lies/As the earth below/Our mortal feet is shaken/The hope of glory wells within our eyes/As their kingdoms fail/A greater Kingdom stands/As their hope is lost/We’re sheltered in Your hands/Repeat Chorus/And as the world as we know it starts to crumble/As its flags begin to burn/We will raise our eyes in worship and in wonder/For Your Love is ever firm/I am hanging in the balance of Your hands/I am hanging in the balance of Your hands/Repeat Chorus
05 KEEPING TIME
Quarter past five and he’s forcing a break/He’ll say it’s nothing ‘bout the figures he makes/I wonder what’s the reason, this weary cycle he’s in/Some insecurity that he can’t shake/His greatest fear is awaking to flames/Knowing that there’s nothing left to his name/All the days he’s slaving, for a life he’s hating/Trying to reconcile the emptiness and the pain/Like the sands of an hourglass shifting away/Like the hands of a clock spinning out on the day/He’s obsessed with a speck on eternity’s line/’Cause all he knows is keeping time/Twenty third birthday, always trapped in herself/Beauty for the cover of a prisoner cell/Another glide of make-up/Her heart a chronic break-up/If only she could see beyond the magazine shelf/Like the sands of an hourglass shifting away/Like the hands of a clock spinning out on the day/She’s obsessed with a speck on eternity’s line/’Cause all she knows is keeping time/This world and its lies, just leaves us wanting more/We’re born and we die, what are we dying for?/These treasures that we clutch/They all just turn to dust/Would we gain it all if we lost it all for love?/Like the sands of an hourglass shifting away/Like the hands of a clock spinning out on the day/We’re obsessed with a speck on eternity’s line/When all we know is keeping time/Like the sands of an hourglass shifting away/Like the hands of a clock spinning out on the day/We’re obsessed with a speck on eternity’s line/The more we grab, the more we’ll find/We’re losing time keeping time/Losing time, keeping time
06 MISSING
Don’t know the day you disappeared/Let me just say it’s not the same without you here/All it could be, it never will be/As long as you hold the world at bay/Wish I knew why you run away/And I wonder what went wrong/All the years that you’ve been gone/I’ve been searching for so long/Still you’re missing/My spirit’s in despair/Are these feelings ones we share?/Could it be that you don’t care/That you’re missing?/You’re still missing/I’ve done all I can to make this right/Boards on the windows, you won’t let me near your life/They say we’ll stay close to what means the most/And sadly I feel from you so far/I can’t say I know just who you are/And I wonder what went wrong/All the years that you’ve been gone/I’ve been searching for so long/Still you’re missing/My spirit’s in despair/Are these feelings ones we share?/How I wish that you were here/Still you’re missing/Will it always be this way?/Will we hang our hearts someday?/Sorry that we hadn’t held the moments/Closer than we did?/Only God can crack the walls/And awake the wasted cause/How I pray He’ll give us reasons to begin/Can we leave the place we’ve been?/And I wonder what went wrong/All the years that you’ve been gone/We’ve been searching for so long/Still you’re missing/You’ve left us in despair/Are these feelings ones you share?/If you knew how much we cared/But you’re missing/All you’re missing/All you’re missing
07 CANYON'S EDGE
I’ve heard it time and time again/More than I could count/And I’ve always seemed to find a road out/But somehow the signs make sense/As my heart is caving in/This night was not by accident/Feels like there’s a thousand voices /Screaming out to me/And I don’t know which to believe/You’ve led me here to the edge of a canyon/I’ve run so far, now there’s nowhere else to go/You whisper son just take my hand and/Let yourself fall from the rocks you used to know/But I’m afraid of what’s below/This canyon’s edge/So lost, I can’t find where to start/With all my best attempts/Have You seen the places that I’ve been?/But You’re reaching out Your arms/Saying, come just as you are/‘Cause nothing can keep us apart/Feels like there’s a single voice/Who’s silencing them all/Lord Jesus, catch me as I fall/You’ve led me here to the edge of a canyon/I’ve run so far, now there’s nowhere else to go/You whisper son just take my hand and/Let yourself fly from the rocks you used to know/But I’m afraid of what’s below/This canyon’s edge/I AM the Resurrection/The Way, The Truth, The Life/I AM the only Passage from here to the other side/No one comes to the Father/Except he trust my name/This cross I gave my life on/Is where you’ll find that yours begins/Yours begins/You’ve led me here to the edge of a canyon/I’ve run so far, now there’s nowhere else to go/You whisper son just hold my hand and/Let yourself fly from the rocks that blur below/This new world that you will know/This new world that you will know/Beyond this canyon’s edge/This canyon’s edge
08 BED OF STRANGERS
This was not the world they pictured/ A flowered landscape now submerged in lifeless snow/Diamond dreams outgrew their glitter/And the love they’d lost is everything they’d know /Beneath a sky of scars/In sheets of bleeding hearts/This bed of strangers/A foot away, a trillion worlds apart/Had this house known a foundation?/Sinking floors of stubborn wills and setting suns/Vows replaced with words of venom/Never understood how two could become one, become one/Repeat Chorus/Is this all, is this all?/How we see is who we are/Repeat Chorus/A choice away, a trillion worlds apart
09 A WORLD WITHOUT
Hunger feasts on fields so poor/Chains of famine, and trails of war/Sunken stares of cruel disease/A widow’s cry, an orphan’s plea/Do we know how much they’re loved?/Break me for a world in need/The innocents whose spirits bleed/Let their burdens bring me to my knees/I’m closest to Your heart/When I’m reaching one of these/Sidewalks speak, graffiti’s park/Cardboard signs, and a shopping cart/The next door fight we’ve yet to meet/The strobe light blinds across the street/Do we know how much they’re loved?/Break me for a world in need/The wounded souls, the wandering sheep/May their burdens bring me to my knees/I’m closest to Your heart/When I’m reaching one of these/A world without Your peace/A world without Your hope/Blessed are the ones who go/Break me for a world in need/The innocents whose spirits bleed/Let their burdens bring me to my knees, my knees/Break me for a world in need/The wounded souls, the wandering sheep/May their burdens bring me to my knees/I’m closest to Your heart/When I’m reaching one of these/I’m closest to Your heart/When I’m reaching one of these
10 TODAY
You thought you were strong/Blind sighted, you’re back in the clash that you left/You thought this was gone/But this morning it hit like a swing to your chest/And your heart is wearing thin/And you’re tempted to give in/You’ve gotta push on, stay strong/Don’t look back, just keep on running/He’s gonna show you the way/So lift your head up, get up/The prize ahead is worth the fighting/Just set your eyes on today/You’ve stood through the night/But even the bravest of saints, they grow tired/He’s felt what it’s like/And He knows how to rescue the drained from the fire/When help is what you need/The truth can set you free/Repeat Chorus/When the demons are raging/And you feel that spiral down/See that it’s in your weakness/That this perfect strength is found/Repeat Chorus x2/You’ve gotta hang on today/You’ve gotta hang on today/All you’ve got is today
11 WORSHIPPING YOU
Where can I flee, where can I flee/The God of everything?/How can I speak, how can I speak/In the presence of a King?/Just as a sheep, just as a sheep/From the fold has gone astray/How quickly I leave, how quickly I leave/The One who paid my way/What has my heart become?/What has my heart become?/Jesus, I’m broken, longing for You/I’m nothing, I’m lost, I’m dead without You/Falling upon my knees before You/Worshipping You, worshipping You/Jesus, I’m broken, longing for You/I’m nothing, I’m lost, I’m dead without You/Falling upon my knees before You/Worshipping You, worshipping You/How could You die, how could You die/For the world that wove those thorns?/To think it was my, to think it was my/Very sins that sunk that sword/Oh what a grace, oh what a grace/The blood that saved my soul/You hung in my place, You hung in my place/The greatest love a man could know/After everything You’ve done/After everything You’ve done/Repeat Chorus/You are the Light, God born as man/Slain for the world, the innocent Lamb/You are the Life, the timeless I Am/Holy enthroned and coming again/Repeat Chorus
12 PORTRAIT OF ME
Here is my heart on canvas/These are the shades of my intent/Circles and lines so random/And sketches of what I should’ve been/I’d like to call myself a work of art/But our standards God are vastly far apart/If You drew a portrait of me/Would I find Your face in it?/If You caught a likeness of me/Would I be ashamed of it?/Am I becoming what You want to see?/Let me be your masterpiece!/This is the work of an artist/The passionate movement of Your hand/You carefully guide the brushstrokes/Capturing each nuance of Your plan/And all the drafts of me I wish to throw away/But You arrange the ugliness in a glorious display/Repeat Chorus/Hanging in your gallery/One piece upon the wall/If only to amaze the world /With the God who made it all/Repeat Chorus
13 WHEREVER LOVE WOULD GO
It still feels like a miracle/How we came to meet/Your smile so bright and beautiful/Your eyes so warm and sweet/ A jewel among millions/You’re the pearl that I adore/I’ll treat you like treasure/You’re a gift from Heaven’s shore/Wherever life would lead us/I’ll stand beside you/Let nothing come between us/I’m fighting for you/Wherever love would go/I’ll go there too/A love so patient, pure, and strong/It does not seek its own/Refusing all accounts of wrong/May peace enfold our home/With every new chapter/Let our love grow deeper still/A string of three fibers/Two entwined within God’s will/Repeat Chorus/I pray we’ll never grow apart/As our Father leads the way/You will always have my heart/And in your arms is where I’ll stay/Repeat Chorus
BACKSTAGE PASS (2004)
02 PULL THROUGH
Crashing questions flood my mind/As broken answers float away/To my knees I sink before You/As I fade in seas of grey/But there I see You walking,/Speaking to the waves/Splashing hands I'm shaking,/Screaming out in faith/Lord, I need You/Take me far from here/Give me strength to soar again/Let me live in the light You left for me/I'm gonna pull through/Holy pages stained with grace/As speechless oceans drench my soul/At your feet I sing before You/And in this emptiness I'm full/And every breath I've wasted,Drowning in these doubts/And all along You've waited,/Screaming through my clouds/I can feel You/Repeat Chorus/Trapped inside a world of temperament/Swept along these shores of circumstance, But You’re reaching in/Repeat Chorus
03 SUPPOSED TO BE
It’s like a lead weight/These chains of self that strap your neck/So swiftly sunk with disbelief/Defeat is your fate/These guilty leaches grip your chest/Choked in the words you can’t complete/But you’re free/Still searching for some lost identity/And you’re trapped within these webs of history/Every dead end brings you back to Calvary/It’s who you’re supposed to be/He came the same way/Sinless, but tempted still like us/He felt the claws of fallen flesh/These thoughts that you hate/Just bring them captive to His love/He bled away your worse regress/Repeat Chorus/Made a new creation/These shackles, they’re gone/So leave the imitation/He’s calling you home/Repeat Chorus
04 HURRICANE
Crazy how the things you know /Unveil the ways you're wrong/And all the stars you've held so close/Can vanish with the dawn/Skies that seemed to write your name/Brought you storms of spinning rain/Spinning rain/The wind is ripping at my face/So I close my eyes in faith/I'm holding on/And when my world is falling in/Your peace consoles me/And when these thoughts can't touch the end/You promise me Your rest/And when I don't know where to try/And when these wings can't see to fly/And when this heart's too worn to cry/You're the eye of my hurricane/Crazy how the things you need/Remind you what you have/And all the wounds that made you weak/Give strength to steeper paths/Clouds your cries could not erase/Left you limp in arms of grace/Arms of grace/The wind is ripping at my face/So I close my eyes in faith/I'm holding on/Repeat Chorus/And when this life's too thick to breathe/I cling to You, You carry me/You whisper words that calm this raging night again/And as these demons whirl around/I hold to You, I won't look down/I feel Your light inside/It's rising in the distance/Repeat Chorus
05 AFTER EVERYTHING
When sorry won't wipe it away/And forgive me is answered in grey/I've been fighting, I've been praying/But it's dying, I’m watching it fade/After everything I messed up/Everything I knew not/Everything I couldn't see/After everything she’d hide/And everything I tried to be/I longed to be/When perfect is left in the rain/And I love you can't remember your name/I've been bleeding, I've been waiting/Now I’m leaving, it's just not the same/After everything I messed up/Everything I knew not/Everything I couldn't see/After everything she’d despise/Everything I tried to be/This was our parade, my friend/As a heart betrayed runs again/After every night you smilee/And every time you laughed/And every kiss you shared with me/After everything we had /And everything we longed to be/I'm gonna be, you're gonna be/We're gonna be
06 MAKING OF A ROCK STAR
Strutting around, a Strato ‘69 glued to your neck/You’re skipping school to jam /With Jimmy on your three-piece stack/That Abercrombie blond, a smile that melts, you’re so the look/And every freshman chick/Wants you to sign her French notebook/It’s three a.m., inspired pen and paper by the bed/There’s thirty teen-sensation grammys sprinting through your head/Mom’s talking college, but you’re tired of learning how to spell/While everyone keeps screaming, “Can you play that somewhere else?”/And your future looks so bright/You were born for these spotlights/You’ve got the making of a rock star/Well, I can see you going so far/And if you dream of playing fast and loud/For a crazy crowd/Dontcha leave that stage without sharing the bow/He’ll take the interview if you’ll remind him of his name/The dye from all those tattoos must have gotten to his brain/Still sports the earrings, but the mullet’s getting sort of thin/There’s three-packs of his greatest hits in Wal-Mart’s discount bin/His purple air guitar got dumped in 1988/While pretty band boys dance with songs they’d like to think they made/So now he’s hosting infomercials about herbal health/Because the techno remakes/Wouldn’t seem to leave the shelf/And every gold must lose its shine/Just remember why you rhyme/Repeat Chorus/Can’t forget your skyway gig/(He sent you such a gift)/Don’t you waste it with the pigs/Repeat Chorus
07 FOOLED
Bottled and raised inside this town/You like to take the shortest way around/Learned how to stand and when to sit down/You've always been the star/You bring two legs for every fence/Know how to fake that stained glass grin/Learned how to wipe those greasy fingerprints/From that cookie jar, yeah/You’re switching masks/Playing everyone's stage/Straddling the ropes of rapport/You won't sleep in this bed that He’s made/Because you know you can’t lock these doors/You flash a diamond from your knees/You're everything she wants a man to be/But there's a shaded room you’re praying she won’t see/It's just the way you are/It's sad the way you are/Repeat Chorus/You blur the lines/You’re dead, but you can’t see the signs/Five candles, funnel hats and screams/Seems just like yesterday, but now he’s seventeen/He’s got a gift of dancing in between/He’s just the way you are/Is it the way you are?/Repeat Chorus/You're so fooled
08 A THOUSAND GODS
Chills of tragedy/A nation finds its need/As caskets pass, we stop to pray/Darkened mornings flee/Repack our rosaries/We frame the light, but won’t obey/A thousand gods, a thousand lies/Ten thousand paths to touch the sky/A million walks for penance pride/With shifting laws of twisted tries/A trillion souls to tortured loss/A spotless lamb, the rugged cross/A perfect love, a sweeping grace/This pending choice, the only way//He spoke from Abraham/The laws of counting hands/The King they killed, a love denied/Laid aside their robes/In anger, threw those stones/As Stephen bled, He clung to Christ/Repeat Chorus/And all the idols we create/These gods of tolerance and taste/Forms without a face/And only few will find the gate/Our single saving grace/We owe Him everything/Jesus
09 BY NOW
Carcass soul, the darkest sin abyss/Echoing crow, betrayer leaves a kiss/Sacrifice, so selfishly arranged/Crucified, gasping from my shame/Father, do You hear me?/Savior, can You heal me?/By now, I should’ve packed and left this place /I should’ve thrown these lusts away, by now/By now,You should’ve slammed these palace gates/I’m so ashamed to show my face, right now/Candle lights, chorus sung in vain/Wand’ring child, so foolishly inflamed/Granite heart, spitting blood stained hands/Teardrops pour, a faithless wretched man/Father, do You hear me?/Savior, can You reach me?/Repeat Chorus/You break bread with me/And still You call me friend/You calm my deepest need/And cleanse my foulest sin
10 LADDER
A golden afternoon in May/Cameras flashed and tassels waved/A closing pose with plaques engraved/Just to think how far we’ve come/With corporate dreams and trophy brides/Diapered cribs and fences white/Polished rungs of applauded heights/So innocently clung/Ridiculously hung/This is the ladder/These are the rumors/This is the future we’ll sink to find/These are the towers /Our daddies built for us to climb/This is the measure/These are the dangers/This is the pressure that we’ve defined/These are the tangles/From a land we’ve left behind/Foxes’ dens and sparrows’ nests/The Son of Man sought no place to rest/So go and sell that real estate/And burn those resumes’/Eternity can’t wait/Repeat Chorus/Flannelgraphs and Bible crafts/And stories ‘bout a King that left/His throne for love/Balding paths and buried tracks/And feasted tables lined with scraps/Of lives untouched/Angels grieve as pulpits preach/In castles locked from trouble streets/Beneath a setting sun/Beneath a setting sun/Beneath a setting sun/Repeat Chorus/ A golden afternoon in May/Cameras flashed and tassels waved/A closing pose with plaques engraved/Just to think how far we’ve come
11 BACKSTAGE PASS
I’ve got a backstage pass/But the show won’t end/Well I’ve been stuck here for years/They’re careless liquor latched and uncondemned/But I’m so glad You hear my cheers/And now I see You from a distance/In this drunken crowd, I’m cold and alone/Man, I’m so sick of this cheap system/But You remind me this ain’t home/I’ve got a backstage pass/But the clouds won’t close/As Sunday shouts the end is near/I’ve got my bags all packed/For that thin gold road/Guess I missed out on why I’m here/Repeat Chorus/I’ve got a backstage pass/But the show won’t end/Guess I missed out on why I’m here
MY STORY
I grew up as an MK. My parents were missionaries in France between 1963-1980. I was born in Ohio during a furlough in 1975. Our family traveled back to France in 1977 and then suddenly returned to the U.S. when I was four and a half. It is still a mystery why we came back to the States. It has been said that my sister was getting into trouble and was hanging out with rough boys with motorcycles. My sister was pulled out of French school less than a month before the school year ended and we left our apartment in Chalon overnight. I still recall the emotion of leaving my brother and father as my mother, sister and I rode down the gravel driveway of the Chateau de St. Albain in a grey Citroen. My mother, sister and I flew back to the United States while my dad and brother remained in an unknown location in France for 2-3 months.
I have numerous memories from France, most of which are frightening. I remember two darkly dressed men taking my dad away in the middle of the night. When I was four years old, I contemplated jumping out of the fourth-story window in our Chalon apartment as my father yelled at my sister as she sat petrified in a tall French chair. I remember cowering with my mother and sister in an upstairs bedroom as a stranger approached our front door step. When I was three or four, someone forced me to do something inappropriate with a young girl. I also watched as other children did inappropriate things. I remember a skeleton in the attic of the Chateau de St. Albain, a ministry center managed by Grace Brethren Missions. Even to this day, my parents have no explanation for my disturbing memories (except for the skeleton which was apparently a dead French priest). When I was in elementary school, I told my parents that I hated myself and even considered running away from home. In fourth grade, my parents took me to a counselor because I kicked a hole in the wall outside of my bedroom. Apparently after that meeting, my anger subsided. However, I still wrestled with self-esteem issues.
I was a kid who knew and followed the rules. Don’t talk to strangers. Don’t play with fire. Don’t watch violent cartoons (especially He-Man, The Hulk or Voltron). Don’t drink carbonated beverages and don’t eat sugary cereals. As I got older, I was taught what Christians should and shouldn’t do. Good Christians don’t swear, drink, smoke or chew tobacco. Good Christians don’t tell dirty jokes. Good Christians go to church every Sunday and tithe 10% or more if conscience prompts (but never less). Good Christians read their Bibles every day...for at least ten minutes. Good Christians should keep a safe distance from people with different world views, except in the case of witnessing. Good Christians should never gossip, yet are free to share information about others for the purpose of prayer. Good Christians believe that the rapture will happen before the tribulation. Good Christians practice foot washing and practice tri-immersion baptism. Good Christians sing hymns and only speak in tongues with an interpreter present. The list went on and on.
Growing up, the prospect of being a good Christian was at times overwhelming. Regardless, I did my best to color within these lines, and did a pretty good job...for the most part. I went to a Christian school K-12, went to Bible college and a Christian university. I was well practiced in evangelical demeanor. However, I was blind to the fact that I had developed a skewed version of Christianity, rooted in legalism. I looked down on friends who drank alcohol. I questioned the legitimacy of Christians who attended R-rated movies. I developed a filter through which I analyzed other people, separating the good Christians from the bad, all the while underplaying the sin in my own life and ignoring the pride in my own heart.
I’m not sure at what point I became a legalistic. Apparently, when I was five years old, I prayed with my mom and asked Jesus to come into my life. From a young age, I understood that I was sinner in need of a savior. However, this simple belief evolved into a complex system of dos and don’ts. I knew I was saved and was confident that I was going to heaven. I trusted in God’s grace and His free gift of eternal life through Jesus. However, over time, a competing ideology emerged which challenged and clouded the idea of God’s all encompassing grace. I began to believe that God was tracking my disobedience and was grading me accordingly. In my mind, God’s favor was directly related to my performance. His love for me was as transient as the stock market, climbing and crashing with each moral victory or defeat. Only time and distance from any given sin could rebuild my confidence in God’s love. I saw God as a harsh father who held my mistakes over me. I knew I was forgiven, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that God was disappointed with me. Where did these impressions originate?
Growing up, I felt like an only child. I only have a few memories of my siblings throughout my grade school years. My sister, Beth, left for Wheaton College in 1982 when I was seven years old and my brother, Joel, followed three years later. During his final years of high school, my brother built electronics for me. One of the most memorable devices was a shocker which I took to elementary school. I would dare friends to touch the two foil pads which released a generous jolt of electricity (I recall one time when a group of friends and I held hands while we stood in a circle of current). I remember swimming as my brother and sister played cards at an outdoor pool at the Sheraton in Columbus, OH. I remember digging through my brother and sister’s Petra, Amy Grant and U2 cassettes. After Beth left for Wheaton, I remember watching her run and often win races in Chicago. I recall flying alone to Wheaton College to visit Joel. I remember shooting him with a Nerf gun while he was praying during dinner at the Wheaton boy’s cross country house (Boy, was he surprised to see his little brother). There were times when I wished I had a sibling closer to my age. I remember riding in the car with my parents while I contemplated the prospect of creating an imaginary friend. Like most children, I had stuffed animals. I considered them friends. One of these animals was a small grey mouse which I affectionately referred to as “Squeaky.” This mouse would ultimately become the inspiration for “Mouse in the House,” my second rap cassette released in 1994, when I was a senior in high school. Behind this popular song loved by students at Worthington Christian High School was a dysfunctional seventeen year old looking for love, purpose and acceptance.
For years, I wondered why I was the way I was. I was exceptionally confident in some areas and extremely insecure in others. I could rap in front of thousands of people, but retreated into a shell of shyness in a small room of classmates. There was the “stage me” and the “real me” and many people were baffled by these opposing personalities. Even I had trouble understanding this flux of confidence and insecurity. The persona of “musician” had become a shield to hide behind, a place where I could safely share my deepest thoughts without being judged...a place where eccentric was seen as artistic...where awkward was interpreted as enlightened. However, behind this mask was a child still longing for affirmation.
Somehow, I struggled to resolve my search for perfection with the concept of unconditional love. I felt so screwed up inside and wondered how anyone, especially God, could fully accept me when I couldn’t accept myself. I drowned my pain in music and dulled my mind with things that were destructive. All this time, God was patiently waiting for me to surrender my insecurities to Him. Amazingly, God never gave up on me. He relentlessly pursued my confused and wandering heart. He brought friends into my life who accepted me, despite my many flaws. I began to see God’s fingerprints in my life - His protection physically and emotionally - His blessings regardless of my rebellion - His gentle voice reassuring me that nothing could separate me from His love. I had always heard that God loved me, yet deep down inside I wondered how God could accept me when I felt inadequate, subpar and inferior. I developed this idea that God was against me. I assumed God was the originator of every unfavorable circumstance. I believed God was on a constant mission to complicate my life and cripple my dreams. I viewed challenges as opportunities to fail, instead of opportunities to grow. I saw obstacles as dead ends instead of hurdles to climb over. I saw failures as permanent marks on my record instead of valuable scars to keep me humble.
My feelings were accentuated as I watched my father struggle with his identity. He was an amazing artist who beat himself up for not being like other men. I’d often hear him say, “If I was only more practical...so many guys know how to fix cars or do home repairs...” or “I wish I was more organized...this is an area where I really struggle...” I always sensed that he was reaching for something which was unattainable. My heart was burdened for my dad. He was a perfectionist, painting a world he wished he could be a part of. For years, I wondered about the relationship between my father and his father. My dad said little about his own father except for the same short phrase, “He was hard on us.”
My dad and I were similar in so many ways, yet there was always something inside of me which longed to find freedom from the cage of self-doubt which has been modeled for me. However, I didn’t know where to start. My heart was confused. I saw so many contradictions both at home and in the church. My parents read their Bibles every morning...a Bible filled with hope, yet my dad was afraid to die. From a young age, I learned that Jesus had died on the cross to pay for my sins, yet I watched my dad hold grudges and judge others for their sin. One time, I told him about a personal struggle and instead of welcoming my honesty, he snapped back and asked, “Why would you do that?” Another time, I mentioned that I didn’t sense the Holy Spirit in their home and he replied, “How do you feel the Holy Spirit?” I wanted to find hope, forgiveness and a connection with God, but I realized this couldn’t happen until I abandoned the world of legalism which I was raised in. I stopped trying to measure up. I learned to love and forgive my dad. I began to see myself and others as sinners...not in desperate need of a make-over, but in desperate need of a Savior.
It wasn’t until my twenties that I realized I had a twisted view of God. I understood that God was a God of love, but I also believed that He was a God of justice who hated sin (both are indeed true). I was acutely aware of my own sin and spent much time under a cloud of guilt, praying for forgiveness, but doubting God’s promise to remove my transgressions as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103). Like most children, my perception of God was shaped by my parents, particularly my father. I grew up idolizing my dad. He was a former missionary, a talented artist and a man of God. However, as an adult child, I began to see the flaws in my dad. I realized that he was a struggling human being, just like me. He didn’t have it all figured out, he couldn’t understand everything I was going through and he couldn’t fix the deep scars inside my heart. I stopped holding expectations over my dad and began praying that God would heal his wounds and set him free. It was at that point that I began to see God, the perfect Father, in a different light. It was then that I started to trust God with the doubts and insecurities which had crippled me in my relationship with others and ultimately, with Him. I stopped worrying about what others thought of me (or what I thought they thought of me) and I began seeing myself as a child of God, completely loved and accepted.
As an adult and now as a parent, I can look back and confidently affirm that I was a peculiar child. I wouldn’t be surprised if my parents and siblings were concerned for me. Fortunately, I grew up to be a somewhat normal member of society. I made real friends. By late high school, I came to the realization that stuffed animals were not cool (it took a little longer for me to figure out that rapping about mice was equally uncool). Why was I so lonely as a child? Why did I need an imaginary friend? Why was I unusually attached to my stuffed animals? Why did I consider running away from home? Why was I so angry as a fourth grader...so much so that I kicked a hole in the wall? Why did I have so many strange memories...memories that my parents and siblings refused to discuss?
I could never put my finger on it, but something about my childhood was off. From the outside, the Gegners looked like a model Christian family. However, there was a distance between certain members, but no one wanted to acknowledge it. I was the peacemaker, the mediator, the doctor who was trying to cure a sickness he couldn’t diagnose. There were topics which were taboo, questions that were never fully answered. We’d go through the motions...meeting during the holidays...mailing cards...making small talk. For years, I scratched my head in confusion. Many strange comments were made and as a young adult, I tried to interpret the elephant between the lines. On one occasion, my brother told me that I had been protected. Protected from what?
In 2016, a situation shook my world like never before and brought me face to face with the underlying forces which had shackled my family for generations. I had a glimpse beneath the lid of Pandora’s box and I was ostracized from my family of origin for making the discovery. Regardless, God carried me through these dark days and surrounded me with other Christians who believed my story and stood by me. I mourned the loss of my family of origin, but gained a new family in the process and grew in my dependency upon God. I learned to focus on the future instead of dwelling on an unchangeable past. I found a new life as I surrendered the expectations I was placing on others. I discovered that family is defined by love, not by DNA. Most importantly, I found a deeper confidence in God’s unshakable unconditional love.
“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39